lost chances
by andtheatlas
Summary: she knows that she's crying and he knows that he's crying, but he's too busy thinking of ways to get her to stay with him. "i love you and i know that you dont love me the way i want you to, but this changes everything and i'm sorry that it does. i know now how you think of me and now i know how to think of you."


they met on the subway the day his new life began. she went up to him after she flashed her bright white and blue-eyed smile at him. he saw her brunette friend and thought she was cute but the blonde one seemed bold. the blonde beauty was talking too quickly for him to process the words she was saying, but he did hear about them dating and breaking up and how she was maya who thought he was cute. he had never met anyone so interesting and weird, but he was happy that she was the first. she left before he was even able to tell maya his name. she left him dazed and wondering until her doe eyed friend fell into his lap.

they ended up being in the same grade at the same school and she was genuinely surprised to find that out. the green-eyed cowboy seemed to catch the interest of her best friend just as she did, but it seemed right to push them together at the time. throughout seventh grade, maya, riley, lucas, and farkle learned stories and secrets about each other by looking into each other's eyes once in a while. then near the end, maya got riley and lucas to go on a date. she was okay with that, unlike how she was okay with going on a date with farkle. she loved farkle, but she knew how he loved her and her best friend and she was not ready for that slobbery kiss on her hand. over the next couple of weeks, and into the beginning of eighth grade, riley and lucas became an unofficial thing and then they weren't.

when high school started, lucas wasn't sure how he should see riley; as a friend, girlfriend, he didn't know. that was until he saw how she looked at charlie gardner. he knew then that she wasn't his person and he wasn't hers. he slowly began to pull away from that fairytale and started talking to maya more and more. they studied together, drank together, cried together, and it was an easy, strong friendship. maya grew farther apart from her childish idea of romance and grew closer to the illusion of love when she was with him. she loved him like she never thought she could, yet he didn't love her like she thought he could. on the day of their graduation, he gave her a friendship ring that would go around her neck so it wouldn't look to compete with her and riley's friendship ring. she cried and said i love you (in the way she felt) and he said i love you (in the way he felt). after the parties and congratulations of college acceptance, she went to farkle's and cried into his chest about her hopeless infatuation. farkle silently said his words of hopeless infatuation about her with her.

maya gets into nyu, with a scholarship from a national art contest and financial aid, for art history and french history. lucas also gets into nyu, with an academic scholarship, for psychology. farkle is the last one to get into nyu for environmental studies. riley, surprisingly, decided to take a gap year travelling europe with her four year boyfriend, charlie. when she had told everyone, they cried realizing that they're growing up. when she left, they cried noticing that they already have grown up without realizing it. the three of them decided to get an apartment, with help from their stepparents and parents, unknowing each other's secret feelings.

maya and lucas and farkle grew together throughout their freshman year with fights between one another and love from one another. maya's chaotic personality always got them in trouble with the other tenants while lucas' peaceful (somewhat troubled) personality got them out of it. farkle's caring and brilliant personality got them through sickness and sad days. when riley got back after their first year and in the summer, she came back with a sparkling ring on her finger and heart filled with joy. her and maya began to plan her wedding, even if it was going to be after college, and the boys clapped a congrats onto charlie's back. riley got into columbia for journalism and moved in with charlie after he found out that he had gotten in for logistics. everything became good and happy again; except for the fact that that was the summer that lucas began to understand what sex meant in college and maya began to understand what costs that you had to go through to feel love for your best friend.

in their junior year of college, the group began going to college parties more frequently than they had their first two years of college aswell as drinking more frequently. farkle had tried to hide his feelings more and more when maya cried to him about lucas' late night flings and riley got more excited for her wedding in two years. there was one party that only maya and lucas had gone to together that changed a lot of things for the two friends. maya drank her pain away when she saw lucas grind a girl from their calculus class and her mind and heart went numb as she walked over to lucas and kissed him unexpectedly. she didn't know what she was doing, unlike lucas who slightly knew what was going to happen. they went into one of the guest rooms upstairs and they gave each other to one another. when they were done, lucas was confused and even more so when maya had, drunkingly, whispered, "i'm so in love with you huckleberry."

lucas tried to forget what she said the day after and the days after when they had continued to sleep with each other. she knew that it would make her feel worse and farkle hadn't know what was happening because he was still too smitten to see her doing that with his other best friend. they all still hung out with each other normally, but when farkle went to sleep, they would go into a bedroom and forget what would happen to their friendship.

maya hart was in love with her best friend, but she knew that she couldn't tell him that she wanted them to be exclusive. she knew how he felt about her and how he was with different girls than her. she knew that she was only continuing to have sex with him to pretend like she was the only girl. she knew. he knew that she loved him and he knew that farkle loved her. he knew that he could love her, but he cares too much about their friendship and maya to try anything other then sex. he knew.

sometimes five of them hung out and went out to dinner after a hard day of classes and wedding planning. only one time did lucas and maya go to dinner by themselves, it was the day that they realized too many things. the pair didn't even make it to the restaurant from the parking lot when everything changed again. lucas was talking about how he and the olivia girl from campus were fucking earlier and how he wouldn't mind doing it again. maya wasn't talking because she knew that she would say something that she would regret later on. she told him that she actually felt "sick" and she wanted to go home with teary eyes and a heart filled with pain. he knew how she felt and why she wanted to leave but he still asked what's wrong.

"us, we're not the friends that we used to be anymore and you know that. we shouldn't be fucking at 2 am with farkle in the other room, lucas! that's not normal." she wanted to add "because i'm in love with you", but she knew that he already knew that.

"we both agreed that that's what we wanted! you never told me that you wanted to be exclusive, maya!" he wanted to add that she needs to stop calling him lucas and that he thinks that he loves her but he knew that that wouldn't fix anything.

"you should know me and respect me enough to know that that's not what i would want with anybody. you know i love you, and i know that you could love me, but that isn't who i am and i need you to understand that." she needed to remind him that she only slept with him to be closer to him but she wants him to know that she needs respect as well.

"how am i supposed to assume something like that, maya? you could've just told me that that's what you wanted because i know that i could love you the way you love me." he decides to be straight forward with her, but he knows that that isn't going to change how the conversation would go.

"i'm supposed to just go up to you and say that? yeah i'll go, "lucas, i'm in love with you and i know you know, so can we stop fucking and start a relationship?" yeah, like that's not going to make things weird at home. either way it's not like i could tell you because when you weren't fucking me or hanging with farkle, you were with a different girl. how am i supposed to say those things to you when i know that you already have girls lining up to do the same!" she decides to be straight forward because she had nothing to lose, until she did.

"sure i slept with other girls, but i'm sure you were slutting around with farkle or josh or whoever the hell you were with." he knows that he didn't mean any of that, but he only said it out of anger and confusion towards her. he saw her eyes shine with hurt mixed in with tears and she saw his own eyes shine with guilt. "wait maya, no, shit, i'm sorry," he reached for the sleeve of her sweater, but she pulled away before he could get a grip.

"you were the only one that i slept with, felt safe with, and felt respected, but i know that's not true anymore. you know i wouldn't do that because of how i feel about you, you know that." she knows that she's crying and he knows that he's crying, but he's too busy thinking of ways to get her to stay with him. "i love you and i know that you dont love me the way i want you to, but this changes everything and i'm sorry that it does. i know now how you think of me and now i know how to think of you, and this (friendship) ring doesn't represent it anymore."

he tries to make out the words, "i love you and i need you," while she takes the ring off from around her neck and gets into her car. its only until after she drives away, leaving him crying in the parking lot, that he says, "i love you and i need you. please don't go, maya." lucas realized his feelings too late, and it was too late to go home and say it, so he went to riley's and told her everything. she held him until he calmed and fell asleep on her couch. farkle held maya in his arms until she fell asleep in them aswell. when he thought that she had fallen asleep, he whispered his words of love to her, and she took those words straight to her heart. when she woke up in a sleeping farkle's arms and lucas-free home, she packed up her easy to carry things and left a note to farkle to send the rest of her things to shawn and her mother's apartment nearby. she never left anything for lucas except a shirt that he had lent her after a quickie and her broken heart. when lucas arrived home right after he woke up, he noticed that there was no maya and that he had lost his chance of forgiveness. he shook farkle awake, and farkle just stared at him with disappointment and pity.

he found out that she had transferred to columbia with her credits. she found out that farkle lived with a pain similar to what she felt with lucas and that farkle is a lot better at words than lucas was. she stopped answering lucas' phone calls and after four months, he stopped calling.

the next time that he sees her is at riley and charlie's wedding, two years later. he was happy for his first girlfriend and one of his best friends. he wasn't happy that he saw the girl he loves holding one of his best friend's hands. he knew that they were dating, but he didn't want to see how happy she was dancing with farkle. maya's long blond hair and smile flowed with her movements and he had never felt more in love with somebody. he watched her with his eyes filled with loss throughout the reception and only seemed to laugh when he danced with riley tripping over her own feet. riley knew how he felt, but she needed him to understand that he had lost his chance. so, she told him to go dance with an old classmate of hers named lucy. he danced with the girl with short black hair, but stopped when he heard a fork clinking against glass. he stopped and stared at maya when farkle got down on one knee and gave a speech on his love for her and how he loved it when she sang (lucas never knew that she could sing, but then again, he doesn't even know her anymore). he stares at her when she said yes with a smile and eyes full of love, but then he stops staring and leaves towards a hallway. he hears the congratulations and he starts to cry.

she knows that he knows that she doesn't love him like that anymore and it hurts her. she goes after him after twenty minutes of congratulations and kisses from farkle. maya finds him crying and leaning against a wall in the hallway and starts to speak, when he says, "i'm sorry i didn't respect you the way i should have. now i have so much love and respect for you and i'm sorry."

"it's okay, huckleberry. if all of that didn't happen, i wouldn't have ended up with farkle. i love him, i need you to understand that."

"but it's me that you should love! i love you, can't you see that?"

"you lost your chance to choose those things for me years ago in that parking lot!" she's exhausted, but she respects him too much to leave him like this.

"please maya! i'm sorry. i love you, please!" he's exhausted, but he loves her too much to leave without trying.

she goes over and hugs him and he hugs her back, tightly. he knows it's over. "i'm sorry lucas. i'm so sorry. i have to go to farkle." he knows it's over when he sees her later kissing one of his best friends.

the next time that they see each other again is at her and farkle's wedding a year and a half later. he knows that she's happy and he knows that he doesn't love her like he used to, but he still regrets not taking a chance with the blonde girl from the subway. they make eye contact at the reception when they're seated and about to get their meals served to them. they look at each other with sad eyes for a moment before he smiles at her and she smiles back. she notices that there's a black haired girl leaning against him with a ring on her left hand. she notices that he's happy and that makes her feel happier than before. they both know that they missed a chance to be together, but they know that they're okay with that. they know because they love each other, but they don't need each other anymore.


End file.
